Can someone explain that phrase to me? I mean, what’s the opposite of “gainful employment?” “Lossy employment?” I suppose one could be employed doing something, in some kind of archaic sense, and perhaps that wouldn’t involve compensation, so it wouldn’t be “gainful.” Then again, if you’re employed in some action, so to speak, and the action leads somewhere, wouldn’t that be a “gain?”
Hm. Maybe if I stick “linguistics” in the Techorati tags for this post, some etymologist will come to my rescue.
In the mean time…
It’s been almost nine months since I had a full-time, decent paying, traditional job. Long enough to make something out of nothing but sweat and passion — like a baby, perhaps… but not a self-sustaining, bill-paying career.
There’s no baby. Don’t get all excited. There is most of a good start on a novel, and some freelance work, and some tantalizing possibilities for the future, and two high-expectation conventions coming up… but, but, but.
My wife has been responsible for finances these last nine months, and while we’re not struggling, our small and poorly secured safety net is getting pretty threadbare, if you know what I mean. The twenty to twenty five hours I work for seven fifty an hour pays for groceries every week I don’t need gasoline or pills to keep the dog’s minor incontinence in check. Other than that, it’s all on my wife’s overtime-burdened shoulders. That’s starting to bug me.
Also, not having any money myself makes it tough to properly plan the can’t-stop-won’t-stop promotional engine I need to power this DIY train. It’s a double-edged sword, or some other equally hoary cliche: work full time = have no energy to pursue art. Pursue art = have no money to, y’know, survive and stuff.
You want the brass tacks? In 2005, I brought in maybe 40K, net. This year? I’ll be lucky to clear a quarter of that, and that includes part-time wage slave job, web hosting, book sales, freelance work… all of it.
I’m not crying at you… I’m leading toward something. Like you, I don’t quite know what it is, yet, but let’s keep going. Here’s the next thing:
There’s something I’ve figured out these past few months. It’s a realization strengthening and dooming at once.
I don’t want to compromise for money any more. Not at all.
So, okay, good for you, you’re saying. With a smirk, and I don’t blame you. I’m ridiculously naive, I know.
See, I don’t want to lie if I can help it. And to me, working in support of a company, person, or ideal — taking money in exchange for putting energy toward that company, person, or ideal — that’s the same thing as condoning it, and since I don’t, really…. well, that to me is a kind of lie. Heck, I’m not even morally comfortable with the company I give twenty five hours a week now.
What’s the alternative? Apart from working in happy land with the rest of the schizophrenics and homeless idealists?
Well, I know what I’m good at.
– I can string words together.
– I can put characters and conflicts in a pot and have a pretty good stew… and I can help others improve their own story recipes.
– I can read aloud what others have written, at a level where still others can enjoy listening to the result.
– I can make web sites.
– I have the ability to see things from the customer’s / consumer’s / audience’s point of view — and so have lots of strong opinions and advice when it comes to service, marketing, and the relationships that spring from those elements.
– I care about people, and their need to express themselves, and I have the patience and training to help them do that.
What I don’t have is a degree, of any kind. Which rules out a lot of traditional employment.
So it’s freelance, or the kindness of patrons, or an unknown, suddenly dead, rich uncle, or the lottery.
Yeah… it’s freelance. It’s tiny trickles of occasional assignments that slowly, slowly, cut a river out of the rock. One day, perhaps, a fertile valley. Until then… I gotta go back to work somewhere, I’m thinking. Which I do not want to do — not until I find an employer I can support, all the way.
Who’s that going to be, in this desert town where the churches outnumber the schools? The radio stations are Clear Channel, the newspapers are Freedom… I’ve been bucking for a job at the county library, but that’s slow going and no guarantees.
All right, this is turning into a whine, and I really didn’t want that. I may edit this before I post it.
Here’s what I want. Same thing I’ve always wanted: make money making art. Which, I’m sure you recognize, is not too far from saying I want people to give me money so that I have the time to play make-believe. At least that’s how it seems to most.
That’s only because most people haven’t felt the bone-numbing exhaustion a good couple hours of writing fiction can create. Most people haven’t felt the easy depression that rides with creativity. Most people don’t put a high value on creativity, because, just look at your local Barnes and Noble or Borders — there are millions of books! How hard can it be? Lazy-ass writers.
But that’s what I’m asking. Give me a pile of money to write books, make music, create art, and let me do it on my own terms, in my own way, in my own time. Trust me.
Or, give me a pile of money to help you do the same thing.
Trust me.
By now, you’re either laughing hysterically, or you’ve long since stopped reading in disgust at my dilletant audacity. There may be a few of you thinking, “Go, Matt, do it,” but, alas, you brave, loyal few have vaults full of love and encouragement… and empty wallets. I value your support, please don’t misunderstand. Still… you know what I’m saying.
All the same, I’m going to reach out to you. My blog readers, my mailing list, my small network of peers and colleagues. Some of you might need a web site, a place to host it, help with a story or that book you’ve always wanted to write. Some of you probably at least know someone who needs those things. Time to call on you. Time to be shameless, and bold.
Keep me out of a lie, would you?
Possibly related posts:
consider selling stock in yourself and future ventures ala David Bowie. that way you will be working for others who believe in YOU and YOUR ideals.
I’ve given that some thought — the “personality stock” angle. There’s a bit of complication setting it up (there are laws that govern this sort of thing, naturally) that is beyond my means right now… but it’s a future option (pun not intended) for sure.
Thanks for thinking about it!