Thanks to this opportunity to talk to you, I suss out just why the death of Grant McLennan hit me so hard, and what it has to do with music and friendship and rare, rare moments of solace and joy.
The PIGBAT song at the end of this episode is “On The Fade,” and features Kris Shine on guitar, Jon Strunk on drums, and I’m playing the bass and singing. It’s taken from a live recording in 1994 at a rehearsal studio in Anaheim, California, shortly before our last gig in our original incarnation. There are no overdubs or effects added.
–update 08-11-2006–
I found Kris Shine’s obituary. Unfortunately, he’s buried in Dallas, Texas, so it’s going to be a piece of time before I get to visit his grave.
Links:
Check out these Go-Betweens albums
Here’s the Pavement album I was talking about… and the song is “Cut Your Hair.”
Grant McLennan solo albums.
The Go-Betweens official site.
The Recycler.
Scribtotum
[...] Episode two of the Sonitotum podcast, “Grief Delayed,” is now available. You can download it directly, or subscribe to the Sonitotum feed in iTunes or your RSS aggregator. [...]
Matthew, I am continually amazed at the openness and the personal nature of podcasters. I was moved by this episode, and hope everyone out there can take a half hour to listen to it. It made me think of my graduating class from high school; I remember when I first heard that one of my close friends from high school had died in a car accident. He had a wife and two small children, and they all survived the accident. I found out probably two years after the fact and it floored me for months.
There are several levels of “how death affects us” that we encounter during our lives. The first is the idea of losing a family member, ususally a grandparent, when we are kids.
The second level is that first “they died too young” experience you have as a teenager/young adult, when someone like Len Bias dies. Whether it is a life taken too soon or a life wasted, when you are hit with that feeling for the first time as a young adult and you understand how mortal we are, it knocks us on our ass when it happens.
And then there is the third level, that “hell he died at 40 and I’m freakin’ 38″ moment, when our mortality really comes to bear.
Thanks again Matthew for sharing your experiences with us. If you share your story of your first marriage with us, I’ll share mine. It wasn’t pretty, that’s for sure.
Thanks for listening, P.G. I’m glad it resonated with you.
I’ve had all three experiences you write about… it’s the delay factor that gets me.
Not so sure I’ll be podcasting marriage number one. However, I know bits and pieces will be processed in a non-genre book I’ve got planned…
Give me a minute to gather my thoughts after listening to your Sonitotum podcast, ?Grief Delayed?. It brought back so many memories of you, your music and those times so long ago. Kris Shine…sigh…what a sweet soul! He has to be grinning from ear to ear knowing that you remember him and his music and that you share your memories of him with us. Kris was on this earth for such a short time but isn’t it amazing the gift he gave us? He was shy, quiet, but endearing as I knew him. Do you remember him smiling for me as I poked my camcorder in his face after one of your performances? You have that tape, we have that memory. Kris will live on as long as those who knew and loved him remember him and share him with others. And…why not try to locate his brother and visit Kris’ grave? I find great peace when I have the opportunity to visit a loved one’s final resting place and say what I need to say and feel what I need to feel.
As for Grant McLennan…what a peaceful way to go, in his sleep. Not easy for those left behind but an easy way for Grant.
I felt so much emotion listening to your recitation from the heart about these two people who touched your life so strongly. Take it from one who has lost too many loved ones to count that they will always be with you and the gift they gave you will sustain you throughout your life in everything you do.
My first death experience was in first grade when one of my classmates went to the hospital to have her tonsils removed. She was not in school the following Monday because she had died during surgery. Tonsils for pity’s sake! She was six years old but I remember her today after all these 64 years…Nancy Pemberton was her name…she lives on in my memory and I share her with you.
psb: I do remember Kris smiling for the camera. I also recall him stand with his back to the stage for practically that whole first show at Bogarts!
As for Grant McLennan going peacefully — do we know that? When it’s said that someone dies in their sleep, how do we know they were actually asleep when they died, unless someone is there with them?
Just a thought. Morbid one, perhaps!
Dying in your sleep…
My maternal grandmother, my cousin, and a few more people I love died in their sleep. My grandmother was beside her husband and my cousin was beside her husband. Another cousin went peacefully in her rocking chair and a dear family friend from my childhood died a few years ago in her rocking chair with a smile on her face as her brother and sister-in-law sat in the room watching her “sleep”. I am hoping Grant had a wife or loved one by his side in his sleep at the time of his death.
At the least, dying in your sleep has to be easier than suffering a long, painful death.
A question: where did you find Kris’ obituary? You can email the answer, please.
Re: the obituary… I Googled it. Note the link (just about everything in bold on this site is a link) — that’s where I got it, but I didn’t go exploring on that site to see what else they had.
[...] Wayne Selznick (Sonitotum) For favorites from my own show, Sonitotum, I’d recommend Episode Two: A Grief Delayed.It’s a very personal one, and really hits what I want Sonitotum to be, which is a [...]