Skip to content

Sonitotum with Matthew Wayne Selznick Episode 007: The (Almost) Lost Episode, or, A Crisis of Confidence

A week or so ago, I recorded a “pitch video” for my Patreon page, a recommended tactic to attract more patrons to that platform. The lighting was funky, my delivery was self-conscious and rambling, and the darn thing clocked in at nearly six minutes long.

I finished it, I hated it, I uploaded it… and then I recorded a podcast about it.

The next morning, I decided that episode — in which I was exhausted, despondent, a bit whiny, and kind of a bummer — would not go out to the public. Only my patrons would receive the “lost” episode. Lucky them?

About a week later, I recorded a new episode seven. Between that first and second attempt, I read an article on Brain Pickings (I’ve mentioned Maria Popova’s invaluable contributions elsewhere) about Rainer Maria Rilke’s advice to a budding younger poet:

“Being an artist means, not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force its sap and stands confident in the storms of spring without fear that after them may come no summer. It does come. But it comes only to the patient, who are there as though eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly still and wide.” — Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

And then, I heard Elizabeth Gilbert interviewed by Krista Tippett, and I remembered Gilbert’s commitment to “just show up,” despite of, and in defiance of, the pain she’s endured in the last three years.

“I’ve learned to give myself all the credit in the world simply for being in motion. ‘Did you do something today toward this thing? Then you’re good.’ Was it great? No. Was it fun? No. But did you do it? Did you keep the ball rolling? Did you keep another step on that path going? Then you’re fine. That’s it.” — Elizabeth Gilbert, On Being, May 24, 2018

Finally, I remembered why I’m doing this podcast in the first place; to share everything I learn as I make stuff, find success as I define it, and stay healthy and sane in the process. It’s about openness, and vulnerability, and transparency.

There are no lost episodes.

That’s not part of the mission.

So. This episode seven is the original episode seven.

It’s all about imposter syndrome, enduring a crisis of confidence, and Doing the Work.

Oh, and I re-recorded that Patreon video, and it turned out much better. You can watch it on my Patreon page.

Links and Topics Mentioned In This Episode

Here are some of the things I talk about in this episode, including a few links to sites with which I have an affiliate relationship. I’ll earn a small commission at no extra cost to you if you purchase products through those links. It’s a lovely way to show your support for Sonitotum!

Get Sixty Five Percent More Content!

My patrons get exclusive, early access to the uncut / unexpurgated version of Sonitotum a few days before it goes out to the rest of the world. Their version of this episode has about twelve extra minutes (about 65% more) of content. There’s a lot more personal stuff, and more context.

You can get early access to the unedited edition of every episode of Sonitotum for about the same as 250 bendy drinking straws will cost you at Bed, Bath, and Beyond every month. Plus the free Sonitotum theme song (“Anastasia”), and whole lot of other stuff. Click here to learn more about becoming a patron of Sonitotum and my other creative endeavors.

Subscribe to Sonitotum

The best way to listen to Sonitotum is to subscribe. That way, new episodes automatically appear in your preferred podcast player app or software as soon as they’re published.

Find Sonitotum in iTunes / Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, TuneIn, Stitcher, PlayerFM, Podbean, or Radio Public. Or, manually add the show to the podcast app of your choice by copy/pasting this RSS feed link.

Alternately (or in addition!) you can sign up to receive notifications of new episodes via email.

Making the Episode

This episode — including both recordings! — took over seven hours to record, edit, and produce the public and patron-only editions, and to prepare the social media assets and graphics and write the show notes.

Equipment and Software

For those who are interested (folks sometimes ask), here’s what I used (and use) to make this episode. I have affiliate arrangements with some of these products and services. If you make a purchase when you click through using my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. It’s a great way to help support the podcast… so thank you!

What Do You Think?

If you share your own story of a crisis of confidence in your creative life, you’ll help other creators understand their own ordeal.  Let’s hear from you in the comments!

New Episodes of Sonitotum in Your Inbox

Subscribe to receive email updates every time I release a new episode of Sonitotum with Matthew Wayne Selznick. Never miss it!

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit
If this post was valuable to you, please become my patron and support this and other creative endeavors for as little as $1.00 per month.
Published inPodcastsSonitotum


  1. Great episode! If it’s a case of bad brain chemistry, I engage in some self care. If it’s anything else, I try listening to something inspiring or reading something new. I also find some value in just riffing on some new challenge or just muscling though.

    • Matthew Wayne Selznick Matthew Wayne Selznick

      Heya, Scott! You’re a very productive creator, so you must have figured out some specific systems when it comes to self care. What works for you? Better yet… want to come on the show and talk about how you “make stuff, find success, and stay sane,” as it says on the kit?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright 2003 ~ 2018 Matthew Wayne Selznick.
The Sovereign Era, The Shaper's World, Daikaiju Universe, Protector Universe, Hazy Days and Cloudy Nights, How It All Got Started, Thing, Carson Meunetti, Lina Porter, Alex Kent, Crystal Dubois, Abbeque Valley, Dana Cove, Pinnacle Records, Hagar's and related characters, institutions, situations, and representative depictions in media are trade marks of Matthew Wayne Selznick.
Designed by Matthew Wayne Selznick using a customized version of the Author theme. Hosted in partnership with Dreamhost.

Pin It on Pinterest