Appleseed Eyes

Hello Theresa!

It’s great to hear from you, truly. Don’t worry — I doubt you’re “all over the web” just because of me. The biggest part of the Internet is the part you’re looking at when you notice how big that part is, if you get my meaning. Anything I’ve put out there is a drop of mist falling on a splash of moisture thrown from a very small tide pool next to a very small pond on the shore of a very wide, deep ocean.

It’s not so much closure I’m seeking when I miss old friends. Time provides plenty of closure, especially when it comes to folks like you with whom I haven’t had any meaningful interaction for… what, almost twenty years? It’s more a matter of fondness, and a sense of gratitude. Enough time has passed for me to recognize the impact and influence many people had on my life, and you can count yourself one of them.

I’m very pleased and not at all surprised to see you’re pursuing creativity. I’d love to hear more about it.

Congratulations on becoming a mother and taking the responsibility so seriously — (too few people do) — and on being married seven years! My wife and I are coming up on nine in February.

You mentioned the big-hair “werewolf country” photos… they’ve provided great entertainment for more than a few folks, and I give you the credit. Cheers for that.

Parkour, you say! That phrase keeps popping up. A good friend of mine just had a book come out; the protagonist’s younger brother is a Parkour artist. Rock on; it’s the closest thing I’ve seen to wall-crawling short of getting bit by a genetically modified (new school) / radioactive (old school) spider; much respect.

Also wonderful that you and Tony are still close. He’s finest kind; I’ve always thought so. Tell him I said “heya.”

Regarding how well I knew you, or even myself, back in the day… I knew you had a lot of pain to deal with when we were in our early twenties. Unfortunately, at that age I hadn’t even begun to figure out what issues drove me to be the often arrogant and selfish, agonizingly insecure, jealous, depressed and desperate kid I was. That made me completely inadequate at being much help to you, I’m sure. You might feel like the you of back then is a different person; I know I feel that way about myself.

That’s probably enough about that, out here where anyone can read. I’m a very open person and I try to be very transparent on-line, but we’re not the only people in the room, as it were. If you ever feel like comparing notes, you know how to find me.

Great Scott, you called me “Matty,” something you never did. Ack. I used to hate that nickname, mostly due to the person who did use it… meh; I’ve mellowed, mostly. Call me whatever you want… just don’t call me late for dinner! (Harpo Marx by way of Hawkeye Pierce never, ever gets old. No, really, it doesn’t. Really.) 🙂

Anyway, up above I touched on what drives me to seek out old friends; but there’s one more thing. I was in a band in the early nineties called PIGBAT… power trio; the most creatively and emotionally satisfying musical experience I’ve ever had. You saw us play once, in fact that might have been the last time we saw each other..?

Long story short, we broke up gradually when the drummer took a job far away and his replacement never quite jelled. Eventually the guitarist went off to Austin to finish school and we lost touch for a number of years. We were very close, but distance and life can still get in the way, y’know?

He came back to California and we got back in touch. Met for dinner and drinks to get re-acquainted. It was a great night. A few days later, I couldn’t find his number and figured, no sweat, he’ll call. When weeks and months went by, I chalked it up to him having his own life and there was that; I was happy to have seen him again and know he was okay.

About a year later, his brother contacted me (found me through the Internet, natch) to let me know my friend had died in a car crash less than a week after we’d been reunited. Since so much time had passed since his death, it felt… unreal to me. I talk about it at length in this episode of Sonitotum, if you want to be bummed out for a half hour or so…

Point is, not only are we all getting older, life is sometimes devastatingly short. I value the roles people have played in making me who I am, and it’s important to me that they know it. Sure, nostalgia jags hit now and then, like the one that triggered this blog post. But really, my desire to reconnect with folks comes down to gratitude and love, and a drive to share that.

A point about revisionist history: that can have a very negative meaning, as in the changing / reinterpreting of history to match one’s own motivations or intentions, so I want to clear that up:

If I get something wrong, it’s because I’m simply not remembering it correctly. Feel free to correct me on stuff, since you mention other misstatements… I’d much rather have the right memories in my head!

I think spending a good deal of my early twenties under stress, sleep deprivation, a poor diet, and lots of alcohol absolutely caused a lot of the details to fuzz. I still have reams of journals I could refer to, but even I’m not up for that much of a slog down the broken, jagged paving stones of memory alley.

How’s that for overly dramatic? 🙂

Try not to project too much of the Matt you knew onto the Matt writing this now. It’s been a long time; we’ve both done plenty of growing. Like you seem to have, I’ve changed a great deal and I have a much clearer understanding of what makes me tick. It’s been a long and often painful road and it never truly ends, but that’s a good thing. I’m looking forward to at least another forty five years; they’re going to be awesome.

Thanks for the kind words about the writing. Music still figures in my creative endeavors too, but fiction has definitely taken priority over the last five years or so. It’s going great.

Again, I’m so pleased you found this post — lookit that, the Interwebs really do work — and I’m gratified that you took the time to reach out. Be well, lady. Don’t be a stranger…. unless you wanna, that is!

Aw, shucks, Annie!

I do indeed know where to find you, thank goodness. When are we gonna have that catch-up lunch? I’ll be free during the week in a couple of weeks..?

Hi Mark — thanks for the updates! I’ve already connected with Tony, Phil, Craig and Charlie on Facebook since I originally wrote this post. Anne’s there too; a search finds her pretty quickly.

I’ve learned that Gina’s performing in a band called Hibbitty Skibbitty and goes by the name Gina Violina. I remember that industrial park, vaguely — I think I might have gone by there once. I lived with Theresa Copell right next to Slovenly Manor; when the city decided that whole area was too nasty for residential living, I lived with J.D. Christie at what was called Dark House.

Donovan was a pal, but I can understand that you might not have gotten along.

Can’t remember you from what you drove… were you in any bands? In those days I was playing with Theresa, Steve Harvey and Tony Lekas in psychopathway…

Thanks for chiming in!