Thanks to the Internet and some folks who put their CD collections up on Amazon, I’m listening to a beloved album I haven’t heard in twenty years. It’s bringing up Some Stuff.
I’m listening to Broomtree by Downy Mildew. It came out in 1986 on the Texas Hotel label, long since gone. The band recorded a few albums for the Windham Hill imprint High Street, and those disks are out of print as well. Downy Mildew’s entire recorded output, 56 songs, takes up less than four hours of listening.
For me, though, their entire recorded output… especially Broomtree and their debut self-titled EP… those songs take up years.
I remember 1989 or so, sitting in the twilight in the apartment I shared with Anne Bray in San Clemente, the room lit only by strings of clear Christmas lights and the glow of the stereo. Sitting in front of the speakers, turning the record over again and again. The deep, jangling reverb, the harmonies of Charlie Baldonado and Jenny Homer, the… purity of this record… it soothed what was at that time a very turbulent soul.
Apparently, there’s a good part of me that is still that way. Listening to it now makes me ache.
I miss the people who were in my life then. I miss the smell of the ocean on the night. I hate this desert where I live, I really do. I’m drying up.
Observation: you only miss the past this strongly when there are things missing from the present. Noted. I miss my friends, then and now. I miss the magic of making music with people, spontaneously, joyously. Taking risks. I miss those people.
I don’t want to go back to that time in a literal, yearning sense — I should be clear. I was in my earliest twenties in those years, a confused, sad, desperate young guy surrounded by drama and sustained by blind passion. It was a painful time, and I’ve learned a thing or two since then. Not everything, but… some things, for sure.
But damn, I miss those people. As I get older, I’m facing the fact that I don’t think I ever fall out of love. I want to give everyone from those days — those hazy days and cloudy nights — a hug that crosses decades.
Of all those people from that time, I’m only in touch with a very small handful, and we’re barely in contact because of life and schedules and maybe the laziness that email encourages. So many others are out there, somewhere… and it disturbs me, not knowing if these loved ones are dead or alive.
Here’s to Theresa Copell (found!) Pat Copell. Tony Vick (found!) Willie Asher. Steve Smith (found!). Gina Bloxham (found, and sadly, lost.) Donovan Spencely (found!) Sean Truitt. Steve Harvey. Holly. Tony Lekas. J.D. Christie (found!) Phil Clevenger (found!) Craig Clevenger (found!) J.J. Minue. Paula Stromberg (found!). Jill and Dave Stewart. Matt Brown (found!). Russell Scott (found!) Ron Russell (found!) Gus Contreras (found!) Andrea Lucas. To name a few. I miss you all, and I hope you’re well.
I’m gonna put this out there, because the Interwebs have innumerable strands and connections can surprise us sometimes: Let’s make this a meme, those names. I want to say hello to those people, and if you have a blog, you can help facilitate that. Write a little post… let the world know Matt Selznick wants to check in on some people from the old San Clemente days, and link back to here so that if… just if… anything comes of it, the thread leads back to me. Thanks for doing that. We’ll see what comes of it.
And thanks for reading. Writing through this, I feel better. We’re on the last song of “Broomtree” now, and the music makes me feel peaceful as opposed to down. That’s good. I think I can go to bed now.
11 comments
Theresa Copell
Well nice words…but what the hell? I’m a very private person and thanks to Selznick I’m all over the web. But if you’re looking for some closure….
I’m fantastic, I live in L.A., I work as an actor, director, producer – btw when I started acting I changed my name which is why there is very little info out there for “Theresa Copell”.
I’m currently not working because 2 1/2 years ago I had a baby girl with my husband of 7 years. I studied child development and found my way into a very dedicated way of parenting that takes all my focus and creativity. Attachment parenting, extended breastfeeding, gentle discipline concepts and treating my child with respect, rule and rock my world.
When I do have some time I still paint, take photos (those ones I took of you that you posted with your big hair actually were pretty good), write, make music, act, direct, produce and I just took up the art of Parkour. Tony Lekas is still my best friend. I think other people who knew me back then (including you) didn’t really know me very well and would be surprised if they met me now. I’ve done a lot of personal work to heal very deep psycological wounds and I’m now a very solid individual.
Matty, I get your longing for the old days but I do know you are prone to revisionist history and a flair for the dramatic. Try not to forget the truth of that time. BTW we were not together for 3-4 years as you posted on one site, it was 2 1/2 years at best, just one of a few misstatements you’ve made about me.
Anyway, I hope you have done a lot of soul searching and changed your approach to life and relationships. I’m glad you are still writing because that always made you happy. Rock on.
aka Theresa Copell
Russell
We are, all of us, a combination of who we once knew, and how those connections shaped, and continue to shape our lives.
I agree with Phil. Quite moving to see how a random collection of like-minded souls can inspire you to recall with such clarity and emotion across two decades.
Email me.
R
Anne
you’re amazing. (^-^)/ Yeah! Love how with a few words, those lost in the ether materialize.
You know where to find me.
Hugs,
Annie
Phil Clevenger
Wow that is the sweetest thing I have read in a long time. Hugs back your way and I too wish I could see everyone again. What a great list of people 🙂
Tardon has been posting some pix on Facebook recently from way back before there were iPods…
Now I’m gonna read your post a third time and savor it. Greets to EVERYONE.
Love,
Phil 🙂
Mark Carranza
Anne Marie Bray!?! Where is she now? Girl was half in space.
You can find Tony Vick, Phil Clevenger, and Craig Clevenger on facebook. And Charlie Brand…
Gina Bloxham used to be my roomate in an industrial park in Orange after she got kicked out of Slovenly Manor. In 89 or 88 I kicked her out after she got together with Donavan and I couldn’t stand the guy. That pretty much ended our friendship.
Don’t think I know you… I used to drive Citroens, if that rings a bell.
Robert
Hi All,
I do not know any of you but I’m sort of connected with one of the people you’ve listed, Gina Bloxham. She was my violin teacher all the way back in the early to mid 90s. I’ve always wanted to track her down and see what she was up to. Anybody know her whereabouts? I did remember that she was dating a Donovan, perhaps the Donovan listed in the same list.
Thanks,
Robert
tjburrows1
Hi Matthew,
I enjoyed reading your thoughts. We weren’t in the same circle of friends, but I knew many of the people you did/do. I appreciate your nostalgic memories. Thanks for jogging my memory for some of those names! I think Donovan’s made a name for himself in Copenhagen.
All the best,
Tom Burrows
ronji
Hi Matthew-
I’m the Ron Russell you mention in this post, which I found through a Google search for Gina Bloxham. Strange to find myself in a search for someone else.
How are you?
-ron
psb
Don’t give up your search for missed friends. Being much older than you I understand the yearning for knowing how the lives of your old friends has turned out for them. Amazingly I am enjoying the reunion of almost all my friends from before first grade, through junior high, high school, graduation and more. We email often and it has been a blast to catch up after all these years. I am talking about over 67 years of people who traveled through life with me. It is a blessing although when I find that some have passed on it is very sad but I am thankful that they were in my life. Don’t forget to check classmates.com and do a switchboard.com search and the SSDI records at http://www.rootsweb.com.
Good luck and much love…
psb
mdharris
Nostalgia can be so bittersweet, can’t it?
tjburrows1
Hi again,
Sorry…the people in your list whose paths I crossed are Donovan Spenceley, J.D. Christie, Sean Truitt, Dave Stewart, and Matt Brown. The last 3 were sort of collateral acquaintances, but nice guys for sure.
I must have met Donovan through J.D. I remember one summer in the late 80’s in particular when I rode with Donovan up to some car show in San Bernadino County, I think, to sell one of his two hearses. In fact, my most vivid mental picture of Donovan is him with green hair racing down El Camino Real in his burgundy-colored hearse blasting some unidentifiable punk rock or speed metal.