I just came back from a five day trip to the Bay Area to satisfy some training requirements of my day job. The training was interesting in so far as the context, but here were the real "take-aways," to use some corporate speak: I read Philip Sudo's "Zen Guitar." This was recommended by Michael W. Dean in his "$30 Writing School" book, and I dug it. There's so much for creative people to gain from the Zen approach to their art -- this is a valuable book for anyone who creates. Reading it helped me maintain "mindfulness" while I was staying at the hotel. One of my favorite moments came one night when, alone, I walked the few blocks from an Italian restaurant back to my hotel. The road took me through an industrial park that was lined with tall trees and small artificial brooks and streams. A light, misty rain fell. For the first time in many years, I was silent and aware enough to really see the energy around me. Wonderfully grounding. Equally invigorating was the little group of folks I gravitated toward during the "off-hours" away from the training session. The company I use to pay my…

Man oh man, but I do love Godzilla. I'd say it's a guilty secret, except that I have no guilt and I don't keep it a secret by any means. I get a very deep sense of well-being and satisfaction when I see a Godzilla movie. Any Godzilla movie... except the one made by that dude who did Independence Day. See, to me, Godzilla represents the very primal force of the Earth itself. He / she / it is a guardian dragon in the classic sense, whether the beast is portrayed as the villain or hero of any particular movie. So when I see that majestic, slow, lumbering saurian crest the waves, or loom over a hilltop, or stride through a cityscape, I am very willing to suspend my disbelief... in fact, if Godzilla and the other giant monsters of the Toho mythology existed in this world, I actually believe it would be a better place. Is that crazy, actually wishing for a world where physically impossible monsters could rise out of the ocean, or a volcano, or fly in from space, at any moment and do more damage than any weapon of mass destruction made by human hands? Not…

Well, it just occurred to me that I can write about things in a way that I can't in the "Founder's Corner" at MWS Media. It's a matter of context, see. MWS Media is my business, it's where I focus on a very specific part of my art -- supporting and encouraging DIY folks and hopefully earning a little bit to help with my own endeavors. This blog, though -- it's just my head pouring out into the aether. I can yak about anything I want -- I can reveal idealogical views about myself, I can rant, I can pontificate. Of course, only a monkey would truly expect my readers to keep my words here and my works elsewhere seperate. I know one will reflect the other. But I will try to keep them separate! So, today, for example, I can talk about... what? Ahhh! Too much freedom! That's the albatross of the internet I'm feeling around my neck... Okay, that's all for now. I've got house upkeep to battle with -- fix some leaky sprinklers, wash the dog, change the cat box, mow the lawn, and so on. I may come back to this "freedom of the internet" thing,…

"Scribtotum" is my piss-poor latin word meaning "To write many things." I just didn't want to call this a blog, you know?

This one's more of a rocker... the type of song I sing acoustic that used to drive REDACTED crazy: "You're wasting these songs by not having a band!!!!" Feh. Thanks for not wanting to be my friend after I left your band, REDACTED. Where's my video, REDACTED? Maybe to sing Making a sign Cuts the mist out of my mind Calling sound Culling it down Brings the lightning to ground Soften the sanity focus I'll be the upside down roses I'll only see by my own Bright Light Is there a tone A word or a rune I can carve into my bones? Draw me a card Mirror in shards I am wholly in the parts Yet another song about making music and the creative thang. I started this one on the 19th, promptly forgot what I had played, then figured it out again last night and this morning. Next!

It's probably the first full song I've written in a year or so. Culled from a couple of false starts and listening to lots of Son Volt, Eleventh Dream Day, and Go-Betweens. As should be expected, it doesn't sound much like any of 'em. Called "It Will Matter," here are the lyrics: Can I talk you down From the highest roof in town Can I make the sounds Clear but not too loud That'll make you wanna? Can any body Really get inside your head? Can any body Put your tears to rest? Can I make you smile Like you haven't in a while Do I have the style Low but not too wild That'll make you wanna? And I'll bring Cooling water And I'll bring A sturdy ladder And I'll sing Enough that it will matter I'm of no mind to flatter That might just bring your laughter I'll still hold my hand out to you (repeat verse two) --copyright 2004 Matthew Wayne Selznick Maybe this will bring the muse out from hibernation. It is Spring, after all.

Well, this one was particularly bizarre and vivid. It started with my old friend Roger and I showing up at a house apparently shared by greenplaid and a young Demi Moore. For whatever reason, we were there the night before a trip to Disneyland. Roger and I were supposed to sleep in the kitchen, which of course, being a dream, did not seem all that unusual. When the Disney portion of the dream came around, Roger was replaced by jane_grey and an unidentified friend of greenplaid. But this was not really Disneyland, this was like, UrbanBlightLand -- if Main Street USA was replaced by, say, Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard in downtown Long Beach (was it Chris Rock who pointed out that Martin Luther King Jr. street in any major city was guaranteed to be in the ghetto?) We were quickly engaged in a staged but very convincing and realistic morality play involving a black man, a young, poor Korean man, and some upscale occupants of a limousine who seemed to be instruments of some dark force. The black guy and the Korean guy made all the right choices, with some help from us, and even avoided a conflict with…

I think I'm becoming less cynical as I get older. This is strange, because I don't think it's supposed to work that way. I look at some of the people I know who are older than me, and by and large I see depression, world-weariness, and of course cynicism. Now, I have my sadness, my occasional regrets, yearnings, what have you. But I feel pretty good about life and human beings and all that. I see another minority edging toward equality, despite what the godsayers and our president (yes, I know that should be capitalized -- let's see him earn it) might attempt. I see two! honest-to-goodness robots crawling around on the surface of Mars. I'm writing. I have a dog that looks me in the eye, and a cat that asks for pets as soon as I wake up (and lets me scratch her belly.) I'm healthy. I just finished watching Forrest Gump on television. I remember, when I first saw it in the theatre years ago, that I thought it was a manipulative piece of fluff. Now, I'm more willing to be "manipulated" by a film... in other words, I'm willing to feel something. As for fluff, well,…

A couple of hours ago, I saw my wife off on a short business trip to Northern California. Even though it was five AM, I couldn't go back to sleep. Got some coffee going, fed the dog and let him out, and found myself in the musing mood that usually comes to me in the earliest of mornings. I've been reading biographies lately. Fredrick Pohl's The Way The Future Was, and now Sting's Broken Music. I think I've previously read just one biography, of H. P. Lovecraft, and that was at least ten years ago. I wondered why I'd done two in less than a month... maybe it's a sign of growing maturity, or a sign, perhaps more accurately, of an awareness of my age? Reading the stories of a Grandmaster of science fiction and a music hero of my teenage years in their own voices (I hope) helps put my own life in perspective, and helps realistically chart what I'd like to see happen next. On the one hand, I wonder at how early in life each of these people achieved a degree of success I've let to see. There's no resentment or disappointment in myself there, for Fred…