Sonitotum with Matthew Wayne Selznick Episode 004: The Wringer

The day I originally planned to record this episode didn’t work out the way I’d planned in many ways. Instead, my subconscious called me out on my own inauthentic behavior… and put me through an emotional wringer of anxiety and depressive behavior that took a few days to really shake off.

That experience was ultimately a fruitful one, though… both for me, going forward, and I hope for you, as well, if the lesson described in this episode resonate with you in your own creative struggle.

It’s all about breaking away from fear and the stagnatingly familiar in order to live the life, and make the art, we believe we want.

Want to talk about it? Leave a comment!

Links and Topics Mentioned In This Episode

• All about olde-timey washing machines and the origin of the phrase “put through the wringer.”
• After some research, what I in the episode call social anxiety probably actually isn’t. My symptoms don’t match the clinical description. What I experienced is more likely a bit of social withdrawal connected to depression — in other words, social anxiety didn’t trigger depressive behavior, depressive behavior gave rise to feeling an odd mix of anxiety and apathy about going to the event.
• Speaking of, throughout the episode, I speak of having a depressive episode. Clinically, that’s probably not accurate, and I certainly do not mean to misrepresent or diminish the plight of those who deal with diagnosed chronic depression. It’s more likely I deal with a minor form of dysthymia, or Persistent Depressive Disorder. I must be clear that I have never been diagnosed (thought I certainly should get that handled…)
• I asked the members of the Listeners of the Dead Robots Society Podcast Facebook Group about their challenges and pain points.
• In this episode, I reference this Scribtotum article on rituals, habits, and practices to beat back depression to make more stuff.
• The episode of the Amazon Prime series Mozart in the Jungle that pushed me to record this episode of Sonitotum before I went to bed is “The Coach,” season four, episode five. Just watched the last few minutes again to be sure. Brings me to tears every single time!

Not Mentioned In This Episode, But Still…

Between editing this episode and releasing it, a very wise and dear friend led me to this article from Dr. Brené Brown. It fits.

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Making the Episode

This episode took over five hours to record, edit, and produce the two different editions of the show, and to prepare and write these show notes and accompanying graphical assets.

Equipment and Software

For those who are interested (folks sometimes ask), here’s what I used (and use) to make this episode. I have affiliate arrangements with some of these products and services. If you make a purchase when you click through using my links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. It’s a great way to help support the podcast… so thank you!

• Aurycle a460 large diaphragm studio condenser microphone
• Zoom R16 Recorder:Interface:Controller (digital multitrack recorder)
• Akai Professional MPD218 (MIDI drum pad controller for performing drum parts of “Anastasia”)
• Sennheiser HD 202 headphones
• Mixcraft 8 Pro Studio (digital audio workstation / music creation software — used when recording and producing “Anastasia”)
• Adobe Audition CC (digital audio workstation for recording, editing, and producing audio — used to mix and produce the podcast)
• Zencast.fm (podcast media file hosting and distribution service)

What Do You Think?

This episode, and all that led to this episode, was quite the emotional rollercoaster. I came off of that ride a little different and, hopefully, incrementally just a touch closer to who I want to be.

If you listened and you can relate, I’d love to hear about it.

Tell me what you think about the episode, and if you’re willing, please share your own experiences with depression and anxiety, especially with regard to how your own creative process is affected by those conditions.  Let’s hear from you in the comments!